Hello folks. It’s Jorel again. I hope you had a good night’s sleep last night, because you may never sleep soundly again after what you’re about to witness.
I’m feeling kind of daring today. Feeling like taking a few risks, overstepping my bounds of allowed conversation topics. I’m wondering if Bailey Day would mind if I talked about THAT episode of her life. Yeah, THAT. I think I will, no matter what she might say. Strap in ladies and gentlemen, I’m going to take you on a blast through the past. Bailey Day’s past that is! I’ll be taking you through one of the many adventures that Bailey Day’s had in her life; an adventure that involves monsters, mayhem, and madness!
(Beware! The images that I will be showing you throughout this post may be strange and disturbing to some people, so view at your own risk. You’ve been warned…)
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Bailey Day’s Homunculus Nightmare!!!
What the heck is a homunculus?
Bailey Day’s fascination of the monstrous has existed for as long as she first learned how to write. She studied monsters, wrote stories about monsters, drew pictures of all of the unsettling creatures that lied in the back of her mind. But even with all of her years as a monster fanatic, nothing could prepare her for the overwhelming horror that was BOGLEECH.COM!
Yes, that’s right. BOGLEECH.COM!
For those of you who don’t know (I guarantee that at least 99% of viewers that read this blog have no idea what it is), it’s a website created by Jonathan Wojcik, devoted to the review and discussion of every monster in the universe. And I mean EVERY monster: Legendary monsters, historical monsters, fantasy monsters, mythical monsters, real monsters, made-up monsters, stuffed monsters, game monsters, TV monsters, movie monsters, Halloween monsters, pocket monsters. From Cthulhu to Pikachu, if you can name it, no matter how obscure it is, Wojcik has reviewed it. And people, let me give you a word of caution before you follow that link up there. BOGLEECH immediately hits you with that disturbing monstrous imagery as soon as you lay eyes on the main page. It’s like the spookiest of ghosts lying in wait to scare the daylights out of anyone who draws near. Believe me, I did an extensive research expedition of the website before making this post and, well frankly, I’ll never be the same again. It’s practically the internet’s best vendor of nightmare fuel, and now I constantly find myself glancing over my shoulder to make sure nothing paranormal is stalking me. But I would be lying if I said that I didn’t have fun exploring all of the great monster reviews that Wojcik has done. Seriously, this website is more than meets the eye.
Aside from all of the articles, BOGLEECH also is host to a few monster-themed games and an interactive webcomic that Mr. Wojcik himself has conjured up. One game in particular sparked an interest in Bailey Day during the summer of 2016. The HOMUNCULUS NIGHTMARE scavenger quest! The HOMUNCULUS NIGHTMARE scavenger quest is more of a challenge than a game, testing the limits and intestinal fortitude of anyone who dares to face it! The object of the game is to expose several mischievous little monsters known as the Homunculus to their worst fears in order to defeat them. Defeat enough of the Homunculus and you win a special prize! Bailey Day, not one to back down from a challenge, met the monster army head-on. Let’s see if she had what it takes!
For personal reasons, I will not be showing EVERY SINGLE HOMUNCULUS that Bailey Day fought, but I will be showing most of the bunch. If you’d like to see the images that weren’t shown, there is a link to Bailey Day’s tumblr page on the BOGLEECH website underneath Bailey Day’s prize.
(I must once again warn you though. Bailey Day’s tumblr page contains remnants of her. . . well. . . her DARK PAST. So, just beware if you plan on searching for it, all right?)
The objective required that Bailey Day defeat 31 of the homunculi!
MONSTER NUMBER 1: FINGER MOTH
Finger Moth
Defecates in beverages when nobody’s looking.
Fear: To be crawled on by a spider.
Cootiedoll
Parasitic! Attach one time to a monster that fears an animal. That monster may now be defeated with any toy version of that animal.
“I honestly looked everywhere for a spider, but I guess when your looking for one, you can’t find one. Spiders are technically animals, so I used Cootiedoll for the first one haha.”
— Bailey Day
MONSTER NUMBER 2: SPITEBLIGHT
Spiteblight
Posts hateful internet jokes under your username.
Fear: To sit in a clown’s lap.
MONSTER NUMBER 3: EYES CREAM
Eyes Cream
Spies on you in the bathroom to judge your hair.
Fear: To be shown its own shattered reflection in a broken mirror.
MONSTER NUMBER 6: CLOGLODYTE
Cloglodyte
Causes constipation. You don’t want to know how.
Fear: To be buried outside in a small black box.
MONSTER NUMBER 7: SLIVERY-DEE
Slivery-Dee
Makes you forget food you bought until it spoils.
Fear: To be placed between two slices of visibly moldy bread.
MONSTER NUMBER 8: GNAWSEOUS
Gnawseous
Chews on and tangles your cables.
Fear: To be seen by a snake or other reptile.
MONSTER NUMBER 9: CANDLE JILL
Candle Jill
Keeps waking you up when you most need sleep.
Fear: To be folded up and sealed shut with candle wax.
MONSTER NUMBER 10: WORMAGORD
Wormagord
Eats dirt. Spits it up in your mouth at night for laughs.
Fear: To be swarmed by live ants.
MONSTER NUMBER 11: HAZ-MAD
Haz-Mad
Criticizes your hygiene while sanitizing places you’ve sat.
Fear: To touch a public toilet seat, with a hole poked through his bubble.
MONSTER NUMBER 14: MAGGOTEETH
Maggoteeth
Tells people you dislike that you crush on them.
Fear: To be shown fan-art of her secret crush -Licklock- on a date with another monster.
MONSTER NUMBER 15: HARVEST-MAN
Harvest-Man
Stops pumpkin flavored from being year-round items.
Fear: To be placed in the mouth of a carved pumpkin. (Acceptable substitute: melon.)
MONSTER NUMBER 16: ROTSOPUS
Rotsopus
Gives you cavities.
Fear: To touch real worms.
Bonus: Make Rotsopus touch real maggots and you may change any one monsters fear to ‘touching Rotsopus’
And Bailey Day chose not to do Rotsopus’ bonus challenge? I don’t blame her. That’s a tough one.
MONSTER NUMBER 17: LICKLOCK
Licklock
Makes people you dislike crush on you.
Fear: To be shown a passionate love letter from Maggoteeth.
MONSTER NUMBER 18: BATHYS-FEAR
Bathys-Fear
Somehow fills your bladder when you’re cozy in bed.
Fear: To be left at a library or bookstore in a book about sea creatures.
MONSTER NUMBER 19: RIP VAN TEAR
Rip Van Tear
The cause of those little injuries you don’t remember getting.
Fear: To be taped or glued over a fracture in an object.
MONSTER NUMBER 21: MEATNIK
Meatnik
Makes your favorite food disagree with you.
Fear: To be chewed on by a nonhuman animal.
MONSTER NUMBER 22: SLIMY SAM
Slimy Sam
Sucks away your energy and motivation.
Fear: To be physically mailed.
MONSTER NUMBER 23: EVAN GELATINOUS
Evan Gelatinous
Gives your home address out to weird cults.
Fear: To be placed in a chalk pentagram drawn on pavement.
MONSTER NUMBER 24: ARTSIBALD
Artsibald
Makes you doubt your talents.
Fear: To be given a face.
MONSTER NUMBER 25: MOLDSNAP
Moldsnap
Makes someone you love very sick.
Fear: To be nailed to a dead tree or mossy old log.
MONSTER NUMBER 26: THE BROKEN SCRATCHER
The Broken Scratcher
Hunts down and injures your favorite animals for fun.
Fear: To be cut apart with a rusted object.
MONSTER NUMBER 27: INFERNIDAND
Infernidand
Gives you a prejudice you never had before.
Fear: To come in contact with living birds.
MONSTER NUMBER 28: WITHER-WITHOUT
Wither-Without
Every minute it stares at you will age you an extra day.
Fear: To appear in a photograph with a dried, old corpse.
“I couldn’t find anything dead in town, so I decided to use Artsibald.”
— Bailey Day
MONSTER NUMBER 29: TWIN CYSTS
Twin Cysts
Purge a friend from your memory and you from theirs.
Fear: To be split apart and each taken to a different graveyard.
MONSTER NUMBER 30: AWFUL OTIS
Awful Otis
Makes you hurt someone innocent.
Fear: To be attached to a doll, which must then be subjected to the fears of any other three homunculi at the same time.
“I combined Droolapse, Evan Gelatinous, and Eyes Cream together.”
– Bailey Day
That’s 30 monsters down. Now onto the
FINAL BOSS!!
DUN DUN DUNNNNN!
For the final challenge, Bailey had to dress up as one of the three Homunculus bosses to win the game! But do you really think that Bailey Day stopped at just one boss? No way! She dressed up as all three to show them who’s the real boss around here!
FINAL BOSS 1: MOTHER HOMUNCULUS
Mother Homunculus
Will turn you into a homunculus embodying what you hate most.
To defeat this monster, you must create and wear a costume of it.
“This was the best one to dress up as~ So much fun!”
– Bailey Day
FINAL BOSS 2: FATHER HOMUNCULUS
Father Homunculus
Erases your entire human life from history.
To defeat this monster, you must create and wear a costume of it.
FINAL BOSS 3: NANA HOMUNCULUS
Nana Homunculus
Gives you an insatiable drive to harm everyone you ever knew.
To defeat this monster, you must create and wear a costume of it.
And so, after defeating all 30 Homunculi, as well as the three homunculus bosses, Bailey Day had won the HOMUNCULUS NIGHTMARE challenge! With her duty done and all of her monsters gone, Bailey Day could finally take a well deserved rest.
……….
JUST KIDDING!!!
What? You really thought Bailey Day was just going to end it there? You should really know better than that by now!
No, Bailey Day wasn’t going to stop until every single Homunculus was good and defeated. You see, there are more than just the regular 33 Homunculus to choose from, there are also the special Homunculus that Bailey Day just had to challenge, or else she would live out her life regretting the day that she didn’t truly defeat every single monster.
This might be a strange thing to say at this point in the post considering what we’ve been talking about, but…
MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!
That’s right boys and girls! Instead of the 12 days of Christmas, you get the 12 Homunculi of Christmas instead! What a twist! The scariness of Halloween combined with the magic of Christmas? Who would have thought to do something like that? Well, it was actually one of the first players to defeat the HOMUNCULUS NIGHTMARE scavenger quest, Spookedfan! Let’s see how Bailey Day handles these merry monsters! 😉
WINTER MONSTER 3: NERVOUS NOG
Nervous Nog
Makes you sick of holiday classics.
Fear: To attend a large gathering.
“This was my favorite one to do!”
– Bailey Day
WINTER MONSTER 4: MISSING TOE
Missing Toe
Stubs your toes on furniture.
Fear: To be placed over a bridge.
WINTER MONSTER 5: PEEKING PIE
Peeking Pie
Places eyeballs in dark places.
Fear: To be on something full of holes.
WINTER MONSTER 6: RIP-WRAP
Rip-Wrap
Gifts you tacky sweaters
Fear: To be place in a narrow space
WINTER MONSTER 7: STALKING STUFFER
Stalking Stuffer
Makes your fingers sticky from candy.
Fear: To get sewn to an ugly pattern.
WINTER MONSTER 8: RUDE RALF
Rude Ralf
Doesn’t invite you to holiday parties.
Fear: To be gifted a real flower.
WINTER MONSTER 9: SILVA BELLE
Silva Belle
Fills your head with bad jingles.
Fear: To be placed under mistletoe.
WINTER MONSTER 10: GOREBBLER
Gorebbler
Creates permanent stains on skin.
Fear; To be covered in pine needles.
WINTER MONSTER 11: ANN JEALOUS
Ann Jealous
Encourages you to hoard things.
Fear: To throw away or donate an item.
WINTER MONSTER 12: ORNA-MENTAL
Orna-Mental
Breaks your holiday decorations.
Fear: To be hung on a wreath.
Whew! That’s all of the Christmas ones!
“Wait, you mean there’s more where that came from!?”
THAT’S RIGHT!
There IS more where that came from! You see, the prize for defeating the HOMUNCULUS NIGHTMARE scavenger quest is your very own HOMUNCULUS NIGHTMARE card featuring your very own custom homunculus which can then be challenged by other people if they decide to play the game! Bailey Day wasn’t the first monster fanatic to beat the challenge, so there were still the homunculus created by other people that she had to vanquish! It’s the final push Bailey Day! Defeat them all!
CUSTOM MONSTER 2: FLESHLING
Fleshling
Makes baby animals look horrifying to you.
Fear: To be left alone in a forest.
CUSTOM MONSTER 3: SILVERSLUNG
Silverslung
Makes people lie to you.
Fear: To be used as a bookmark in a college science textbook.
CUSTOM MONSTER 4: PROCRABSTINATOR
Procrabstinator
Makes you procrastinate with increasing severity.
Fear: To accompany you as you complete a chore.
CUSTOM MONSTER 6: EYEBOWL
Eyebowl
Makes your eyes itchy.
Fear: To be covered in peeled grapes.
. . .is that it? Is it finally over? Has Bailey Day bested all of the homunculi and won the challenge?
YES!!!
I’m happy to say that Bailey Day overcame all of the challenges this game could dish out, as well as overcome her fears of bugs, pain, love, and doing work around the house! And of course, there is always a reward for a job well done! Bailey Day sent all of this proof of her hard work to Jonathan Wojcik himself, and together, they created a monster. Bailey Day gave him a name, a mischievous activity, and a fear, and Wojcik got to work illustrating another frighteningly disturbing masterpiece.
Now, ladies and gentlemen, prepare yourselves for BAILEY DAY’S CUSTOM HOMUNCULUS!!!
INTRODUCING. . .
THE VILE. . .
THE DEVASTATING. . .
THE BANE OF ALL HOUSEPLANTS EVERYWHERE. . .
LET’S GIVE IT UP FOR. . .
PLANTITUDINOUS!
Plantitudinous
Slowly kills houseplants in your care.
Fear: To be touched by a green-painted thumb.
And thus ended this chapter of Bailey Day’s life. Bailey Day faced her monsters and won. No, she didn’t just win, she annihilated all of those freaks! You can bet that they’ll never mess with her again. No siree! But Bailey Day had to admit, they put up quite a fight! Bailey Day would leave the HOMUNCULUS NIGHTMARE scavenger quest with a greater respect for monsters everywhere and a renewed fascination toward the creepy and the quirky. If you’ve ever read her work, you know this to be true.
However, Bailey Day wouldn’t be the last brave soul to challenge the HOMUNCULUS NIGHTMARE scavenger quest. At the time of typing this, eleven more heroes went on to defeat the army of homunculi and create eleven more amalgamations to terrorize the denizens of the Earth. Will Bailey Day ever continue her personal challenge of defeating every single homunculus out there and face these new foes? Only time will tell.
And this is only one of the many horrific wonders that BOGLEECH.COM has to offer. Whenever you feel like scaring yourself, look no further than BOGLEECH.
Well, I’ve had just about enough staring at these nightmarish creatures, what about you? This is Jorel, telling you all to have a good night, to sleep tight, and to not let the Homunculus bite.
Stay healthy, everybody.
Jorel signing out.